Wade Whereabouts

Dear Dr. Ignorance,

It was so lovely to visit you at your office yesterday for my check-up. Even though I dreaded coming to visit you, I dolled up my little girl and brought her along so that your staff could see what a precious peanut she really is. After all, your nurses and staff, and well, you, took good care of me for the six months before she came home...so really, you all grew to love her picture updates and supported me through the end of our adoption journey. Your sweet, kind nurse from Ethiopia was so excited to see Ellie Tsion, and I really think Ellie Tsion was overjoyed to hear someone speaking Amharic. All of the other ladies at the office oohed and ahhed over her for the one hour and forty-five minutes I waited for you.

To my surprise, you failed to apologize for your tardiness. However, you thought my little girl was precious. After our "check-up" you proceeded to tell me all about your views of adoption and parenting in general which really ruffled my feathers. I'd like to take a moment to educate you on just a few of your ignorant statements....after all, you have no wife to give you loving rebukes nor do you have children of your own to help teach you about these little people.

1. I AM HER REAL MOM: When you ask adoptive mothers what the "real" mother was like, it's just rude. It's rude to me, rude to my child and rude to her birth mother. I REALLY am her mother. I REALLY take care of her in the middle of the night when she is screaming. I REALLY wipe her poopy bottom. I REALLY teach her new words and sign language. My heart REALLY hurts when she cries. I REALLY do her laundry and REALLY give her a bath each night. REALLY.

2. I WON'T INDULGE YOU WITH DETAILS ABOUT HER OTHER REAL MOTHER: Her OTHER REAL mother, the one who gave birth to her and loves her enough to make self-less sacrifices for her, well, she's REAL, too. But, in an effort to honor my daughter and her privacy, I won't give you all of the details about her. It's none of your business how old she is. It's none of your business if she was cute or ugly. It's none of your business if she's rich or poor. IT'S JUST NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. SO DON'T ASK.

3. THE MENTAL HEALTH OR FUTURE MENTAL HEALTH OF MY CHILDREN ISN'T UP FOR DISCUSSION: Dr. Ignorance, when you told me "you just never know with adopted children what you'll get mentally" ... that was just plain rude. Even if my children do end up being crazy lunatics one day, I'll still love them anyway. Because that's what REAL mothers do. And FYI, just because I don't know or won't tell you the full mental health history of my children, doesn't make them prone to being "demonic" as you so stupidly stated. And yeah, in the future, there is NO NEED to tell that story about your friends who adopted two children and how one of them was angelic and the other was demonic. That's their story. I'm sure you have friends or acquaintances who were NOT adopted and grew up in their biological family only to have mental health problems. Maybe they ended up being demonic. Or maybe they just had really bad manners, like you.

So, Dr. Ignorance, even though you are a highly educated man who has helped restore my health, I must say that you have some work to do. I did not yell or gripe or return your inappropriate comments with all of the mean words brewing in my mind, but today I just had to get some of my (albeit sarcastic) thoughts off my chest. In the future, I'd love to answer any questions you have about adoption in general. I want you to know that adoption can be a beautiful thing and am always open to genuine, heart-felt questions about the subject - just not specifically about MY children and their heritage.

Sincerely,

REAL Mommy of Garrett Joshua and Ellie Tsion