Day Nine: Debra Zeit, Packing and Airport

Our ninth day in Ethiopia felt like a "you survived, now relax a bit" kind of day! Tegist took us outside the main city into a town called Debra Zeit (I'm not sure if I'm spelling that right or not). We went to a resort that was ah-mazing. Amazing! It was so very different from the villages we had been to and the capital city. The resort we entered was lush with flowers blooming everywhere. There were little villas you could stay in, a pool, a small lake, a spa - gorgeous! All the ladies had planned to get manicures but we didn't make appointments in advance and everything was booked. Instead, we toured the property, enjoyed a yummy lunch outside by the water and had some time to chat. We joked this must be where Angelina Jolie stayed when she came to adopt her daughter - it was that incredible! If we ever go back (I mean WHEN we got go back with our friends - 10 years - right, people?), I certainly want to stay a night or two there!

I should backtrack a bit - as we spent an hour or so driving into Debra Zeit, we saw a lot of the Ethiopian countryside. And by this time, our hearts were so overwhelmed with the needs of this beautiful country. Spending time driving this day really pounded on our hearts with the hefty opportunities there are for us to be a part of .... of what, we don't fully know. But a part of something - of spreading the blessings God has given us - of getting out of our comfortable North Dallas-ness and into something so much more meaningful - of loving on those that are considered the "least of these".

Kenny and I spent this day with very heavy hearts and a sense of not knowing how we - two Americans - can actually make a difference. It was so wonderful to have Tegist and her husband talk us through some tangible, realistic ways we can get involved.

After leaving Debra Zeit, we headed back to the Guest Home to pack up and eat dinner. Tegist's husband, Getahun, stopped by to chat. I wish we had gotten a picture with him so you could see this incredible man. The first time I met him (in America) and seeing him in Ethiopia, I was immediately brought to tears. Something about this man ..... a servant for the Lord .... inspires me so much. As we said our goodbyes to him, he prayed over us. What a great note to leave on.

We ate dinner, packed more and more and more.....

....and then finally loaded up one of the vans and headed to the airport. I cried the whole way there. Something inside of me snapped once again. I was hit with feelings I didn't expect to feel.

All of a sudden I felt this strange sense of loss for Ellie. She was leaving the only home she had ever known for 15 months. She was losing her culture. She was losing her heritage. She was losing contact (on a regular basis - not forever) with her birth family. All of these losses for such a tiny little girl. Some people think they are not real or reasonable or that she will not even ever miss these things. But somewhere deep in my heart I know that's not true. And, I will do my dangtest to help her hold on as best I know how.

Once we arrived at the airport, I pulled myself together (well, okay, I stopped crying). I was still a grumpy travel companion. I think we arrived about 3 1/2 hours ahead of our flight departure time. On my previous trip we arrived only 30 minutes before departure so I really thought we'd be bored out of our minds in the tiny airport. Nope! I am so glad we got there when we did because it literally took us that long to check in. UGH! The computer systems were all down, and we stood in line that whole time waiting to be checked in. It was miserable! We were exhausted (it was close to midnight by this time), Ellie was fussy and wanted to be walked around and we were all hungry.

I remember that we got in line once in the gate area to board first (infants/elderly line) and someone pushed me out of the way - who does that to a momma with a baby? Basically, we all wanted to board first as the bulkhead seats (the seats with lots of leg room and a bassinet for Ellie to sleep in) were first come, first serve. It was a mad dash! I've never seen people move so fast at 1 a.m.!

And, that's all for now...I think I'll save my day of traveling home stories for a separate post!

Day Eight: Meeting Ellie's Birth Mother

I cropped this picture - it was originally of Ellie's first/birth mother, Ellie and me.I think my face and eyes in this picture very well sum up our most privileged meeting with Ellie Tsion's birth mother. It was a meeting mixed with pure joy and great, great sorrow. Bittersweet.

And, I'm going to leave it at that.

We want Ellie to be the first one to hear this precious story of the day both of her families were together. The day we all loved on her. The day we will never forget as long as we live.

Day Seven: German Embassy and More Bonding

Not many words needed....the seventh day we:

1. Went to the German Embassy to get Ellie's transit visa (we were flying through Germany and you are supposed to have one)

2. Went back to the Guest Home as our day of plans (shopping, sight seeing) had to be postponed. A famous Ethiopian singer passed away (I am guessing he was equivalent to Michael Jackson?) and most of the roads were closed down for funeral traffic.

3. Enjoyed some time as a family.

4. Ellie had some significant tummy issues (heard this is normal, too - the transition can be quite stressful and one of the signs is gastro issues). Thank goodness our International Adoption Pediatrician had recommended to take a certain little relief (read: suppositories). And, nothing like jumping into mommy-hood with baby #2. Shudder.

5. Oh, and did you see how much the sweet girl interacted with her Daddy? She really warmed up to Kenny this day!

Day Six: At Home, Saying Goodbye and Cultural Dinner

On our sixth morning in Addis, we woke up to this sweet image:


And then I had the privilege of feeding her some oatmeal in our room. She ate the WHOLE big bowl! And downed one whole bottle.

And, after a morning that included a non-happy bath (seriously, I was worried that the workers in the Guest Home would think that I was hurting her - she screamed that loud during her bath), some play time with Garrett and Daddy, we opted for the snuggle-buggle kind of nap:

At some point we played in our room, and eventually, her favorite new toy, the plastic water bottle, fell onto the ground near Daddy and she timidly made her way down next to him!

Finally, she graced us with her precious grin:

The grin probably had something to do with her brother, Guh-Guh. From the very first time in our care, she called Garrett that. It has stuck. We all refer to him as Guh-Guh in our house.

After a day of rest, relaxation and bonding at the Guest Home, Tegist picked us up late that afternoon to go to Ellie's former Baby Home. We had planned to spend some time at the Baby Home playing with the other babies, taking pictures for their future families in the states, passing out tokens of appreciation to the workers and gifts for the older children. But, by the time we got there, it was dark and the electricity was out. We struggled to snag a few pictures of Ellie with her caregivers before it was completely dark:


I must say that in my mind, I had pictured a really beautiful time at the Baby Home. I had planned to really spend some quality time with the children and time expressing my gratitude for each of the women who cared for our sweet girl. However, things just didn't go as planned.

Ellie was VERY fussy because she could hear and see her caregivers yet Tegist didn't want us to let them hold Ellie for fear of regression. I finally gave in seeing both Ellie and her favorite caregiver, TT, wimper for one another. It broke my heart (as you can see from the picture two above).

We ate pizza by candlelight with the older boys and shared our gifts with them. Later we gave our gifts to the caregivers and enjoyed a popcorn and coffee ceremony. I say "we enjoyed" but in all honesty it was quite stressful. We could hardly see one another, and we felt like our appreciation, that probably could never be adequately expressed anyway, went with very little mention. It was not the way I wanted to say good bye. I wanted Ellie's care givers' last memories of her to be sweet, angelic and ones that were filled with her enjoying her new family.

Eventually we made our way out onto the bumpy, rock road. We all loaded up into Tegist's SUV. It was difficult for her to turn around on the road as there was a lot of construction happening on a literal road made out of rocks. Not pebbles. Rocks. Once she was able to turn around, the SUV died. Kaput. There were no street lights. No roadside assistance. Nada. I must say that I became scared at this point. Tegist began joking with us that once the locals saw the white people, they'd come after us with a gun to steal our money. She was joking. But not really. Or maybe she was. Who knows. I know SHE wasn't scared. But as I sat there in the SUV on an abandoned road with no light, I was afraid! I remember thinking, "Lord, really? Really? You took us on this crazy 16 month adoption journey, let me go through surgery only two weeks ago only to unite our family and then let it all end like this?" - you get the picture, I was scared! Dramatic, too? Maybe.

After a while it all got worked out and we made it to a really unique restaurant in Addis that serves Ethiopian food while you watch groups of dancers from all different Ethiopian tribes do their traditional dances (and wear their traditional costumes). And, one of the dancers even got Kenny to get up and try to shake his hiney. It was quite entertaining!

Day Five: Embassy Day and More

Tuesday, our fifth day, was our US Embassy appointment day. Tegist picked Kenny and I up earlier than usual that morning with Ellie Tsion and a care giver in tow. Garrett and Auntie Heather stayed at the Guest Home instead of coming with us as we knew that our time at the Embassy could be very rigid and strict - neither a good mix for a four year old little boy in a foreign country!

When we hopped into Tegist's car, Ellie was in the front seat with Tegist and the care giver, the other Tegist or "TT" as Ellie called her, was ducking down under a blanket in the backseat. For a long time I didn't see TT in the back and was really appalled by how Tegist must have driven with Ellie alone. Did she put her in the floor board? Did she just sit shotgun? Joke was on me - she sat in the loving arms of her TT!

We made our way to the Embassy, parked down the road, met up with our attorney and walked up to the gates. After going through security (two check points) I realized I forgot my passport. You read that right. The girl who was uber paranoid about everyone else losing their things FORGOT hers. Actually, the night before, I had packed up all of our documents and thought I had taken out Heather and Garrett's passports. My mistake. I left Garrett's in and mine out. Luckily the nice lady let me use the copy of my passport in it's place.

At the Embassy we waited about an hour before being called up to the booth. During that time Ellie stayed with me in her carrier (seriously, if you are adopting more than a 5 lb. baby - splurge and buy this one - totally worth it. Especially if you are petite. And two weeks post-op. I was so glad I had it!) We walked. We sang. We looked at books. I fed her Cheerios and a bottle. She wasn't excited but she wasn't screaming either. Progress.

Another funny story, when we were first called up to the counter, I could have sworn the lady didn't call our name. But our attorney said, "No, no, she said Buckner family - they call you by agency" and so I just went along with it. The lady asked us a myriad of planned questions to which we had been prepared to answer. As we were going through them, I looked down at the paperwork and saw that our names weren't on them but instead a family, like Burk family or Boone family. Some "B" family. And by the time I realized it Kenny was already signing away. I was really scared to speak up because you just don't make a peep unless you're asked to peep at the Embassy. But, at last I did (all the while our attorney was giving me "shut up, don't talk" eyes) and the nice lady at the Embassy turned into a frigid lady. We were told to sit down. And then waited another thirty or so minutes. During which time I was petrified she wasn't going to let us legally have our baby.

Kenny, me and Ellie After Our Embassy Appointment (this was down the road, you can't take pictures in or anywhere near the actual Embassy)

Eventually we were given another turn, paperwork went well and that was that! Whew! After our appointment we had a quick lunch which ultimately won our sweet girl over! She sat in my lap and Kenny was across. He cut up the bananas, pasta and bread, passed them over to me and I fed our sweet girl. She was quiet. She wasn't her spunky self. But she was content. Food. Remember that, peeps. Food.

Our original plan after lunch was to go back to the Guest Home, pick up Heather and Garrett, drop off Ellie and TT at the Baby Home and then make the drive out to a more rural area called Bantu to see some of the other ministries (primarily a school) that our agency is a part of. Game plan changed when Tegist decided Ellie was doing really well in our care and she didn't want to break that continuity. So, we picked up Heather and Ellie and were on our way to Bantu!

Unfortunately, the schools in Bantu were STILL closed that day due to the Easter holiday and so no children were there. We were able to tour the buildings and enjoy a really beautiful ride through the countryside. As we drove we could see more of life. More of people. More of the hardships and joys. So many thoughts, emotions and more swirled through my mind as I balanced the sheer bliss of holding my daughter in my lap and watching the people of her home live their daily lives. Walking miles. Carrying pounds and pounds of food and water. Working hard, really, really hard. Harder than I probably will ever know. Harder than Ellie will probably ever know. And, I think that was the day my heart tore in two. Such joy coupled with such pain and hardship. It just didn't seem fair. Why me? Why them? Why not me? Why not them? My mind still doesn't have adequate thoughts formulated to express it all. I do know I feel privileged to have seen more than one way of living life.

Our Family in Bantu

Me, Ellie and Heather in Bantu

Garrett on the Playground in Bantu (Ellie and I watching)

One of the Classrooms in Bantu

That evening we made our way back to the Guest Home for dinner, baths and a little family play time. Ellie was very insistent only I hold her (and all the time) and that Kenny not look at her too long. Really, she was so frightened by him. It broke my heart. And his, too. But, having heard this from other adoptive parents, again, I knew this was normal and would fade. Ellie did, however, enjoy sitting with Garrett on the bed and watching him play Leapster. And, we enjoyed watching their first few moments as siblings in a more private area. Garrett was so sweet with her that first night. Very gentle. Very kind. I don't think he even knew what to expect.

Garrett Showing Ellie His Leapster

Garrett, Me and Ellie Our First Night "Home" (Do you see the death stare she was giving her Daddy behind the camera - geez! She was so tough on him but now, oh man, is she ever a Daddy's Girl!)

Eventually, Garrett and Kenny went downstairs so I could put Ellie to bed. I thought it would take hours and tears, but nope, she took her bottle, I rocked her in my arms and within 20 minutes she was asleep. I transferred her to her pack-n-play without a peep. We prepped the room for what we thought would be a long, tearful night - lots of bottles lined up, etc.

I am happy to report that she slept ALL NIGHT! I however, did not. Kenny and Garrett did. Not momma. I woke up numerous times elated that we were all together. Finally. I kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing (like you would with a newborn - ha!). She was there. She was angelic. So still. So sweet. So perfectly content in her sleep. And as a mother, that's all I wanted to see for her - that she was content and happy. Her days were rocky and full of fear, but her night time was filled with peace. And for that, I was so thankful.

Day Four: More Bonding at the Baby Home and Paperwork

I have no pictures to account for this day in Ethiopia. It was a Monday and our fourth full day there. Tegist picked us up that morning and we headed over to the Baby Home to spend some time with Miss Thing.

My memories are very, very vague about this day. I know that we played with Ellie in the baby room for a while and once she went down for her mid-morning nap, Kenny and I made our way to Tegist's office to meet with her and the attorney. We went over all of our paperwork and procedures for the US Embassy appointment that would take place the next day.

While all of this occurred, Heather an Garrett played ... some with the older boys (they were out of school due to the holiday) but mostly upstairs in a separate room. Garrett was feeling very overwhelmed by all the commotion and noise. Again, so glad Heather was there!

Eventually Ellie woke up, we helped feed her lunch and a bottle (girlfriend could eat!!) in the baby room and made our way upstairs. Let me just tell you, if a care giver was in sight, Ellie wanted that person and not us. Hence our decision to go upstairs and spend some time alone with her. The time alone was better than the day before but still quiet. Progress, progress.

I am not sure what we did that afternoon - shop a little maybe? Go out to lunch? See, this is why you blog in country! It was a good day, though. We had dinner back at the Guest Home, packed our backpacks for the next day of events and hit the sack!

Day Three: Easter in Ethiopia

The View of the Street from Our Roof Top (carrying in the Easter goat)

Auntie Heather, Jill and Garrett (well, part of Garrett) on the Roof Top of the Guest Home

A Local Bringing Home the Easter Goat's Skin

Our second night/third day in Addis (going into the early morning) marked the Ethiopian celebration of Easter. We all went to bed at a normal time but were woken up sometime in the early morning hours by a parade going on. I thought I was really losing my mind when I heard music sounding in the streets - I honestly thought I was in Heaven or was dreaming about Heaven. It sounded like masses of people singing praises. I had no clue what songs they were, just that they were beautiful. Eventually we all woke up (and stayed awake for several hours) and had snacks and hung out in our room. If I remember correctly we fell back asleep after the prayers finished over the loud speakers (they are blasted through the city).

Needless to say, the next morning we woke up, called Tegist and asked if we could rearrange our day to allow for naps! Originally we had planned to go visit Ellie at the Baby Home and then go celebrate Easter in Tegist's home. Instead, Tegist and a care giver brought Ellie to the Guest Home where we were staying so that Garrett could nap as needed.

When Ellie arrived she was sound asleep. We brought a pack-n-play down from upstairs for her to finish her nap in the living area while we discussed (in depth, probably an hour) her routine, habits, preferences with both Tegist and the care giver. I cannot even begin to say what a gift this was to both us and to Ellie. With many adoptions, you show up at the child's orphanage and are just handed a child. No schedule. No eating routine. Nothing. Sometimes something. But this was over-the-top wonderful. I just looked back at my notes I took .... I literally was given her daily routine in thirty minute increments.

Eventually Ellie woke up and her care giver attended to her so that she could get her bearings and just figure out the new place she was in. And, let's just say, she was a little shy. After a while Tegist and the care giver went outside so that we could have some alone time with our girl. Ouch. Was it ever painful. Of course, she cried at first. But eventually she sat quietly as she clung onto me. Kenny and I spent almost an hour loving on her and just trying to make her feel safe. I think that was one of the longest hours of my life. Holding my little girl who was petrified of me. Holding a little peanut who's whole world was beginning to change. Watching her do her best to put on a brave, solemn face. I'm still not gonna lie...it was hard. I consider myself pretty kid-friendly. But this girl made me work for it! And, again, I knew this was normal. I knew this was part of the bonding-attaching-grieving process. But watching your child scared (and of you) is so hard.

During this whole time Garrett came in and out of the room - he played outside, upstairs and lunched - all with Auntie Heather. I cannot even begin to describe how thankful we were to have Heather there with us! If you are even considering taking a young child on a trip like this with you and you can take help, TAKE IT! There is no way we could have done this trip alone. No way.

Eventually (after 2-3 hours) we said our "see you soons" to Ellie and the ladies and all proceeded to nap! We were pooped and knew we needed to get our rest if we wanted to endure the rest of our trip.

One funny note, the traditional Ethiopian Easter meal is ... wait, what is it? Lamb? Goat? I don't remember now! But, whatever it was, the sweet ladies at the Guest Home prepared us a traditional Easter meal. I'll never forget that moment when Heather and I looked into the family style spread and our eyes met with trepidation - what was it? We had to try it. It was only polite. So, Heather, being the brave soul she is, picked up the serving spoon to scoop up her portion. And that's when we heard the clank of the spoon hitting bone. Needless to say, I did not try the *meat* ... we all know I have some meat issues. Shudder.

Remembering back to this day, I am so thankful for the flexibility of our agency's workers. It was a national holiday, one in which they should have been spending with their own families and instead totally rearranged things for us. Because we were tired. Because they wanted us to still see our daughter and make the most out of the transition time with her. I feel selfish even typing this. Our agency, both stateside and abroad, truly wants to see families thrive. They don't just want to shuffle people in and out and hand off babies. They really, really, really want to make solid, child-centered (first) and family-centered (second) decisions. And we were certainly recipients of that.

Day Two: Meeting Her As a Family

So many of my memories have already faded from our second day in Ethiopia. This was the day we were to meet Ellie Tsion. I know the Baby Home director, Tegist, came to pick us up and had her daughter, Tina, with her. After a very bumpy 30 or so minute ride, we arrived at the Baby Home and were greeted in the outside foyer by some of the older boys. Garrett immediately ran up to them and showed them the toy he had brought for his baby sister.

As we entered into the home we could hear the sounds of babies and young children playing. We made our way up to the second story and just as we rounded the stair case, a loud, large group of children ran our direction....and Ellie Tsion was one of them! I was shocked to see her RUNNING down the hallway because only 2 1/2 short months earlier she was confined in the baby room as a crawler! I remember my heart sank right then and there even though I had already been told she could walk; I had missed her first steps.

Once Ellie realized we were strangers (and tall, white, non-Amharic speaking strangers) she shuffled right back to her favorite care giver's arms. We let Garrett walk up to her first, thinking she might be most receptive and least threatened by a child. I don't exactly remember what he said but do remember he walked up to her, gave her the toy and skidaddled into the big boy room.

(Ellie Tsion in the arms of her favorite care giver, "TT". To their right is Tina and Tegist)

I think I let Kenny approach her next since he had not yet met her (I had in January). By this time Ellie was SO quiet and SO not sure what was going on. I made my way over to her; she did not remember me at all. I didn't think she would but it was still heartbreaking non the less.

We all stood around talking and letting her get used to the sight of us.

And every now and again, we'd try to sneak in a little pat on the back. Here you can see how well those were received (or not).

(And, here was Kenny - a few steps removed so as not to get the death stare, me acting like a fool trying to convince Ellie this toy was super fun and that was Tegist's hand holding our little video camera - no pressure!)

Eventually we moved into the older kids rooms where there was a lot of floor space and fewer care givers. Ellie still would have NOTHING to do with us and stayed in the arms of her care givers. We let her watch us interact with the older children - played some games, passed out a few treasures we brought for them, etc. We wanted to be very careful not to force ourselves on Ellie.

(Here was Ellie in TT's arms and kinda intrigued by Garrett who was videoing her)

Looking back I should have picked her up sooner but instead Tegist suggested I pick her up. She cried. I felt like the meanest person alive. I cooed. I whispered. I distracted her with toys.




And, at some point she sat in my lap in one of the bunk beds where Kenny was able to slide in next to us.

(Ellie trying everything in her power to ignore us! This is her looking away - really!)



(Ellie acted like she wanted to go to Kenny but kept looking back at her care giver as if she was asking, "TT, is it okay?")

Ellie tried her best to not make eye contact. She tried her best to just be quiet. Oh, how quiet and scared she was. It was heartbreaking. It was so sad.

But we knew this was to be expected from a child who was attached to her care givers (bravo to our adoption agency for the numerous hours of training and education they provided us for moments such as these). All of these things meant that she knew how to love and attach and could apply that "skill" again one day with her family and others. But just because you know something in your head doesn't mean your heart agrees.

I think so many people have a picture in their mind what it is like to adopt a child. They dream of this magical event happening where you fly to a faraway land and enter a room and sweep up a precious baby into your arms as he/she coos and instantly lavishes you with love.

Um, people, I'm here to tell you that's just not routinely the case. Yes, I threw in *routinely* because for some families, it does happen that way. I rarely have heard those stories; especially with infants. Doesn't mean your child won't love you. Just means your child has become accustomed to another primary care giver.

And I am not trying to make myself feel better because our daughter did not instantly fall in love with us. I am simply trying to keep it real. I think it's important to paint as clear of a picture as possible for both other adoptive families and for when our daughter reads this one day. When she reads this I hope she can see how loved she was in the Baby Home. I hope she can see how well cared for she was. I hope she can see that she was passed from loving arms to loving arms and to loving arms. Never was there a gap. She was always loved.

I am not sure how long we spent at the Baby Home that day - several hours at most? And, I have no recollection as to what else we did that day. Just that we had all finally met HER. Seeing my husband meet his daughter and my son meet his sister was priceless. Relieving. Sixteen months in the making. All boiled down to one day. Our God is so good.

PS: There were MANY, MANY more pictures and video I wanted to post from this day. The sweet one of Garrett running up to the Baby Home and showing the older boys his toy for Ellie. The ones with Heather on the floor with all the kids playing. The ones of Garrett running after her friends. The one of Kenny sitting among all the kids. So many. But, for privacy and legal reasons, it's just not okay to show pictures of the other children who are not mine.