Ellie Tsion Turns Two

(Ellie opening her birthday bracelet - think she likes it?)

(Riding her plasma car that Garrett insisted he get her!)

Our sweet girl is two!! We've had a wonderfully full day of celebrating and playing and practicing being two (read: throwing massive tantrums). But, we wouldn't have it any other way! Happy second birthday sweet girl!

The Heart Remembers

Dearest T,

On the eve our daughter's second birthday, I find myself with tears streaming down my face. Actually the tears have been coming and going for a few days as I have been preparing ways to celebrate Ellie's second birthday - her first birthday in America.

The day she was born she was celebrated by you. Last year, even while in the Baby Home, you made a point to come and celebrate her life. But tomorrow...tomorrow I will be the only physical mother figure celebrating this sweet girl.

And just thinking of you not being here brings the tears. Because, even though I only spent a few hours with you, I know you well enough to know you loved Ellie in a way more profound than anything I will ever know. You loved this precious girl with all that you had. And, in some cruel twist of fate, that love wasn't enough to sustain life.

As I drove my comfortable SUV down the beautifully paved and manicured roads to the jewelry shop and purchased a birthday bracelet for the daughter you trusted me to parent, I was overcome with grief. Because, in a way I just don't know how to explain, I miss you.

YOU should be the one shopping for her gift. YOU should be the one buying Ellie her first piece of jewelry. YOU should be planning a way to celebrate her life. YOU should at least be celebrating alongside me. WE are both her mothers.

But, you cannot be here. Even though I know you are in spirit, I am saddened by this loss. The loss for you, for me and most of all, Ellie.

Precious T, I think of you so often and grieve the lack of your physical presence. My heart remembers. And so, to honor you, I chose the above charm as the first for Ellie's birthday bracelet. No matter the past, present or future, my heart will always remember you - the first mother to Ellie Tsion.

With much love, gratitude and longing to be together again one day,

Jill

I Give Up & One Year Ago Today

Okay, I have officially given up blogging about our last day of travel...mostly because I cannot figure out how to convert the DVD of our arrival at the airport and really wanted to include that. Oh, well!

Instead, I'm going to post some pictures of what I was doing one year ago today - IN ETHIOPIA!

I'll never forget....I was at home watching President Obama's inauguration and the phone rang. It was our social worker which struck me as odd because our court date wasn't for another week. But, she called with bad news - our court date had been delayed at least another month. And, even that wasn't a promise we would "pass" court and be able to travel anytime soon.

So, on that dreary Tuesday morning after I dried my tears and composed myself somewhat, I picked up the phone and called a friend. I knew her husband was leaving in THREE DAYS to go to Ethiopia along with many other US citizens on a leadership trip. Originally I had planned to send a care package with him for Ellie but instead asked if there were any spots open on the leadership trip he was going on. While the trip included a group of leaders from all over the country and was mostly full, they DID have room for another female.

After checking with our adoption agency, seeing if I could get a reasonably priced ticket and last immunizations and praying about it, Kenny and I decided that if one of us could go, we should. And since I don't have to take off from "work", we thought it was best for me to go. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. So, within three days, I packed myself up to board three flights towards my daughter in Ethiopia.

And, boy, was it ever worth it! Here is a glimpse into our first day together:

Riding in the van on my way to meet my sweet girl...

Walking up the dirt road to Ellie Tsion's second home...

Walking into her pink room...


Finally holding her in my arms....

Day Nine: Debra Zeit, Packing and Airport

Our ninth day in Ethiopia felt like a "you survived, now relax a bit" kind of day! Tegist took us outside the main city into a town called Debra Zeit (I'm not sure if I'm spelling that right or not). We went to a resort that was ah-mazing. Amazing! It was so very different from the villages we had been to and the capital city. The resort we entered was lush with flowers blooming everywhere. There were little villas you could stay in, a pool, a small lake, a spa - gorgeous! All the ladies had planned to get manicures but we didn't make appointments in advance and everything was booked. Instead, we toured the property, enjoyed a yummy lunch outside by the water and had some time to chat. We joked this must be where Angelina Jolie stayed when she came to adopt her daughter - it was that incredible! If we ever go back (I mean WHEN we got go back with our friends - 10 years - right, people?), I certainly want to stay a night or two there!

I should backtrack a bit - as we spent an hour or so driving into Debra Zeit, we saw a lot of the Ethiopian countryside. And by this time, our hearts were so overwhelmed with the needs of this beautiful country. Spending time driving this day really pounded on our hearts with the hefty opportunities there are for us to be a part of .... of what, we don't fully know. But a part of something - of spreading the blessings God has given us - of getting out of our comfortable North Dallas-ness and into something so much more meaningful - of loving on those that are considered the "least of these".

Kenny and I spent this day with very heavy hearts and a sense of not knowing how we - two Americans - can actually make a difference. It was so wonderful to have Tegist and her husband talk us through some tangible, realistic ways we can get involved.

After leaving Debra Zeit, we headed back to the Guest Home to pack up and eat dinner. Tegist's husband, Getahun, stopped by to chat. I wish we had gotten a picture with him so you could see this incredible man. The first time I met him (in America) and seeing him in Ethiopia, I was immediately brought to tears. Something about this man ..... a servant for the Lord .... inspires me so much. As we said our goodbyes to him, he prayed over us. What a great note to leave on.

We ate dinner, packed more and more and more.....

....and then finally loaded up one of the vans and headed to the airport. I cried the whole way there. Something inside of me snapped once again. I was hit with feelings I didn't expect to feel.

All of a sudden I felt this strange sense of loss for Ellie. She was leaving the only home she had ever known for 15 months. She was losing her culture. She was losing her heritage. She was losing contact (on a regular basis - not forever) with her birth family. All of these losses for such a tiny little girl. Some people think they are not real or reasonable or that she will not even ever miss these things. But somewhere deep in my heart I know that's not true. And, I will do my dangtest to help her hold on as best I know how.

Once we arrived at the airport, I pulled myself together (well, okay, I stopped crying). I was still a grumpy travel companion. I think we arrived about 3 1/2 hours ahead of our flight departure time. On my previous trip we arrived only 30 minutes before departure so I really thought we'd be bored out of our minds in the tiny airport. Nope! I am so glad we got there when we did because it literally took us that long to check in. UGH! The computer systems were all down, and we stood in line that whole time waiting to be checked in. It was miserable! We were exhausted (it was close to midnight by this time), Ellie was fussy and wanted to be walked around and we were all hungry.

I remember that we got in line once in the gate area to board first (infants/elderly line) and someone pushed me out of the way - who does that to a momma with a baby? Basically, we all wanted to board first as the bulkhead seats (the seats with lots of leg room and a bassinet for Ellie to sleep in) were first come, first serve. It was a mad dash! I've never seen people move so fast at 1 a.m.!

And, that's all for now...I think I'll save my day of traveling home stories for a separate post!

Day Eight: Meeting Ellie's Birth Mother

I cropped this picture - it was originally of Ellie's first/birth mother, Ellie and me.I think my face and eyes in this picture very well sum up our most privileged meeting with Ellie Tsion's birth mother. It was a meeting mixed with pure joy and great, great sorrow. Bittersweet.

And, I'm going to leave it at that.

We want Ellie to be the first one to hear this precious story of the day both of her families were together. The day we all loved on her. The day we will never forget as long as we live.

Day Seven: German Embassy and More Bonding

Not many words needed....the seventh day we:

1. Went to the German Embassy to get Ellie's transit visa (we were flying through Germany and you are supposed to have one)

2. Went back to the Guest Home as our day of plans (shopping, sight seeing) had to be postponed. A famous Ethiopian singer passed away (I am guessing he was equivalent to Michael Jackson?) and most of the roads were closed down for funeral traffic.

3. Enjoyed some time as a family.

4. Ellie had some significant tummy issues (heard this is normal, too - the transition can be quite stressful and one of the signs is gastro issues). Thank goodness our International Adoption Pediatrician had recommended to take a certain little relief (read: suppositories). And, nothing like jumping into mommy-hood with baby #2. Shudder.

5. Oh, and did you see how much the sweet girl interacted with her Daddy? She really warmed up to Kenny this day!

Day Six: At Home, Saying Goodbye and Cultural Dinner

On our sixth morning in Addis, we woke up to this sweet image:


And then I had the privilege of feeding her some oatmeal in our room. She ate the WHOLE big bowl! And downed one whole bottle.

And, after a morning that included a non-happy bath (seriously, I was worried that the workers in the Guest Home would think that I was hurting her - she screamed that loud during her bath), some play time with Garrett and Daddy, we opted for the snuggle-buggle kind of nap:

At some point we played in our room, and eventually, her favorite new toy, the plastic water bottle, fell onto the ground near Daddy and she timidly made her way down next to him!

Finally, she graced us with her precious grin:

The grin probably had something to do with her brother, Guh-Guh. From the very first time in our care, she called Garrett that. It has stuck. We all refer to him as Guh-Guh in our house.

After a day of rest, relaxation and bonding at the Guest Home, Tegist picked us up late that afternoon to go to Ellie's former Baby Home. We had planned to spend some time at the Baby Home playing with the other babies, taking pictures for their future families in the states, passing out tokens of appreciation to the workers and gifts for the older children. But, by the time we got there, it was dark and the electricity was out. We struggled to snag a few pictures of Ellie with her caregivers before it was completely dark:


I must say that in my mind, I had pictured a really beautiful time at the Baby Home. I had planned to really spend some quality time with the children and time expressing my gratitude for each of the women who cared for our sweet girl. However, things just didn't go as planned.

Ellie was VERY fussy because she could hear and see her caregivers yet Tegist didn't want us to let them hold Ellie for fear of regression. I finally gave in seeing both Ellie and her favorite caregiver, TT, wimper for one another. It broke my heart (as you can see from the picture two above).

We ate pizza by candlelight with the older boys and shared our gifts with them. Later we gave our gifts to the caregivers and enjoyed a popcorn and coffee ceremony. I say "we enjoyed" but in all honesty it was quite stressful. We could hardly see one another, and we felt like our appreciation, that probably could never be adequately expressed anyway, went with very little mention. It was not the way I wanted to say good bye. I wanted Ellie's care givers' last memories of her to be sweet, angelic and ones that were filled with her enjoying her new family.

Eventually we made our way out onto the bumpy, rock road. We all loaded up into Tegist's SUV. It was difficult for her to turn around on the road as there was a lot of construction happening on a literal road made out of rocks. Not pebbles. Rocks. Once she was able to turn around, the SUV died. Kaput. There were no street lights. No roadside assistance. Nada. I must say that I became scared at this point. Tegist began joking with us that once the locals saw the white people, they'd come after us with a gun to steal our money. She was joking. But not really. Or maybe she was. Who knows. I know SHE wasn't scared. But as I sat there in the SUV on an abandoned road with no light, I was afraid! I remember thinking, "Lord, really? Really? You took us on this crazy 16 month adoption journey, let me go through surgery only two weeks ago only to unite our family and then let it all end like this?" - you get the picture, I was scared! Dramatic, too? Maybe.

After a while it all got worked out and we made it to a really unique restaurant in Addis that serves Ethiopian food while you watch groups of dancers from all different Ethiopian tribes do their traditional dances (and wear their traditional costumes). And, one of the dancers even got Kenny to get up and try to shake his hiney. It was quite entertaining!